The badboys of Abbottabad

The double dealing Pakistanis have been sticking it to us. Sure maybe not all of the Pak government knew they were hiding Bin Laden. Remember there are two faces of Pakistan. There are the corrupt ultra-nationalists and Jihadi backstabbers who have no problem taking our money and supporting terrorists. Then there are  the corrupt incompetents (our allies). The corrupt incompetents don’t have much of an agenda other than stuffing their pockets with our money while attempting to create the appearance of being competent allies which they are not. The corrupt incompetents may not have known OBL was under their noses, but the others did..

Look at this report.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-13268517

An ISI official tells that Bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad was raided in 2003 because they believed al-Qaeda operative, Abu Faraj al-Libi, was there.

Forget the fact that it wasn’t built until 2005. In 2003 it was just a field. We’ll assume the guy got his dates mixed up.

Report on building of compound in 2005

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-13269579

The point is, are we to believe that the ISI just decided to forget about this suspected Al Qaeda fortress for 6 years?

And are we also to believe that OBL would move into a place that had already been raided by his supposed enemies, without any guarantee it wouldn’t happen again?

Logic dictates that he would move to somewhere he feels safest.
The fact that he moved to a Pakistani military town speaks volumes.

oh and here is my cartoon of OBL

The Islamists got it right this time.

Bangladesh is updating its inheritance laws to appease modern secular thinkers and women’s rights activists. Under new laws, daughters and sons will now be entitled equal shares of inheritance.

This has got the Bengali Islamists all pissed off because these new laws contradict the inheritance laws clearly written in the Quran. The opposition party in Bangladesh (BNP) has had the Islamists in their back pocket for a while and let them loose whenever they get a chance. They gave them the green light again to shake things up a bit.

Here is the government’s response:

“The government says its new policy does not violate Islam and aims to give women greater rights in employment, inheritance and education.”

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-12956907
http://www.cnn.com/2011/WORLD/asiapcf/04/05/bangladesh.protests/index.html

No Bangladeshi government. You are wrong and you know it. Girls are supposed to get half the inheritance that boys get. Allah said so himself.

I think the Bangladeshi government needs a more straight forward spokesman. Like me.

Here is how I would handle it.

Spokesman Bob: The Bangladeshi government is proud to introduce new inheritance laws that ensure the equal rights of all citizens regardless of gender

Islamic reporter: But don’t the new laws contradict the Quran?

Spokesman Bob: Yes, they certainly do.

Islamic reporter: Are you saying these new laws are better than the ones written in the Quran?

Spokesman Bob: Yes, they are.

Islamic reporter: You bloody blasphemer! I’ll show you! I’m gonna go blow myself up now!

Spokesman bob: Don’t  let the door hit your ass on the way out.

In defense of Terry Jones

Sure, publicly burning a Quran is an extremely offensive act to millions of people. It was intended to be. I'm not going to talk here about the deadly repercussions that he was likely hoping for and got. Let that guilt rest upon the barbaric perpetrators. Any sane person could foresee that no good could come from intentionally offending people of different beliefs, but Terry is not completely sane. He is ultra-religious.

He cannot be politically correct like George Bush or Barack Obama and call Islam one of the world’s great religions. Unlike them, he is a REAL Christian. To him there is only one great religion, his. Islam is a great deceit created by a false prophet that has led millions of people away from the only true savior (Jesus Christ) and down the path to hell. How could he NOT believe the Quran should be burned? A couple dozen innocent lives is a price worth paying if it leads to the salvation of a few souls. And if the publicity serves to promote himself then that is good too, because after all, his work is God’s work.

So where did he get the idea to be so provocative? Is he a pioneer in offending other faiths? Of course not. There is a deep tradition in monotheistic faiths of demeaning other’s beliefs. Let’s look at Abraham, the father of Judaism, Christianity and Islam. Did he give a rat’s ass to the sensitivities of other beliefs? Hell no, He was a famous idol smasher. Someone put a lot of work into those idols and they were sacred to a lot of people. Abraham didn’t care however, because destroying someone else’s misguided religious symbols was clearly a blessed act.

When Mohammed conquered Mecca and went inside the Kabaa to discover it was full of cherished idols, did he treat them with respect? Did he ask the idol worshippers to kindly remove the idols? No. He went on a rampage that would put Charlie Sheen to shame.

Did any idol worshippers kill Muslims in response? Maybe, probably. The point is that there is no middle ground when it comes to hardcore believers. There is a right religion and everything else is the work of the devil. So, I can agree that Terry Jones is a jerk, but I have to apply the same standards to these other two clowns.

The Egyptians and Passover

The Egyptians are going through some trying times nowadays. After fighting over a month to get rid of a brutal dictator they are still struggling to rid the country of corruption and worse. Shady elements from the previous regime cling to positions of power, while emboldened Islamists join army loyalists to manipulate the country's future. Crime is up 200% (probably due to all the unemployed police who are trying to create a demand for their services) and religious intolerance (By Islamists) is making the headlines. The question is, can the Egyptians get thru these trying times? The answer is Yes.

The Egyptians have been thru much worse. The time of Passover is upon us, so let us now reflect back on how Egypt was able to survive through 10 nasty plagues God beset upon them for refusing to emancipate their Hebrew slaves. In comparison it makes Egypt’s current situation look like easy times.

1.Plague of Blood — Exodus 7:17–18

God turns the Nile into a river of blood and all the water in Egypt becomes bloody and undrinkable. All the fish die and the Egyptians have nothing to drink except maybe some mango juice or wine which would run out fast with no water around. You’d think this plague would be enough to break their will in a couple days but the Egyptians persevere.

2. Plague of Frogs — Exodus 7:1–4

God then sends billions of frogs to hop all around egypt and gross out the ultra squeamish, but now the Egyptians have a new french cuisine to replace the lack of fish. The frogs won't last long however without water.

3. Plague of Gnats— Exodus 8:16–17

God turns the dust of Egypt into gnats. There is a lot of dust in Egypt so that means a lot of gnats. But guess who eats gnats? That’s right. frogs. So the frogs would eat the gnats and leave Egypt quite dust free which would be good for Egyptians with allergies. Plus the frogs would get fat on the gnats and make better dinners of themselves.

4.Plague of Wild Beasts— Exodus 8:20–21

By now the frogs have all dried up and died, so the lord sends a replacement.

"Let my people go, so that they may worship me. If you do not let my people go, I will send swarms of wild beasts upon you and your officials, on your people and into your houses.”

Yes God swarms the Egyptians with wild beasts, who are happier now because they have something better to eat than dried frogs. No more commuting to the hunting grounds because all the wild game are running through their living rooms.

5. Plague of Pestilence— Exodus 9:1–3

God created disease to kill off the Egyptian’s livestock which they don’t really need anymore because they have homes full of wild animals that they can eat and make fur coats out of.

6. Plague of Boils — Exodus 9:8–12

God gives everyone boils. OK this was a bit of a drag, but when your house is an animal safari a boil on your ass would hardly be much of a distraction.

7. Plague of Hail — Exodus 9:13–24

So god says:

“at this time tomorrow I will send the worst hailstorm that has ever fallen on Egypt, from the day it was founded till now. Give an order now to bring your livestock and everything you have in the field to a place of shelter, because the hail will fall on every man and animal that has not been brought in and is still out in the field, and they will die”

But he already killed the livestock off with pestilence, so the Egyptians stay in the shelters and let god eliminate the homeless.

8. Plague of Locusts — Exodus 10:3–6

Now God sends Locusts. But if you’ve ever watched Andrew Zimmerman’s bizarre foods you will know that Locusts are very nutritious.

9. Plague of Darkness— Exodus 10:21–23

Three days of Darkness. Nothing to do but lounge around and sleep for a few days. Egyptians have no problem doing this.
Finally God realizes that his plagues are pretty lame and he decided to get nasty with them.

10. Death of the Firstborn— Exodus 11:4–6

This is what the Lord says:

“'About midnight I will go throughout Egypt (metaphorically because he's already everywhere) . Every firstborn son in Egypt will die, from the firstborn son of Pharaoh, who sits on the throne, to the firstborn son of the slave girl, who is at her hand mill,”

So the slave girl has her firstborn die because the Egyptian Pharaoh did not free the Hebrew slaves. Does this seem fair?

A letter from an Egyptian slave girl to the Hebrew God:

Dear God

I appreciate your intentions to display your great might and persuade the Pharaoh to release the Hebrew slaves by besetting us with all these weird plagues. But as you must be aware, I am a slave myself and have no real say as to whether other slaves can be set free or not. So when I woke up this morning to find that my beloved firstborn had been struck down dead by your divine hand, I could only think of one appropriate way to respond. Go Fuck Yourself!

Happy Passover.

Malcolm X-posed

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-south-asia-12956907 So this new book out claims Malcolm X had a gay lover. So what? He’s still a heroic figure of the civil rights movement. Even if you’re Muslim his self proclaimed life story is that of a man who lived a life of sin before for becoming a Muslim. So big deal if he had sex with a white guy. I’m a white guy and I am secure enough in my heterosexuality to declare that Malcolm was a good looking man. Why do you think he was played by Denzel Washington? And if I was gay (which I’m not) and Malcom hadn’t got wacked, then I would have no qualms about having a little mano y mano reparations session with him.

Bob reports on Libya

Senior US Defense commander General Stewart McDouglas gave a press briefing at the pentagon today where he stated that the United States would proceed to scale back its engagement in Libya and hand over operations to NATO command. “It is evident that the present conflict in Libya is an internal dispute among the Libyan people. It is not in the interest or obligation of the United States, to over extend itself in this matter. While we support all people of the world’s desire to live in peace and freedom, it is ultimately something that each must secure for themselves. The United states is NOT in the business of regime change.” Said McDouglas.

Joining him at the press briefing to accept the transfer of authority was senior commander of NATO operations, General Stewart McDouglas. The NATO commander explained “The North Atlantic Treaty Organization has accepted the honor of defending the people of Libya. We could not with good conscience just sit back and let this international criminal commit a holocaust against the peace loving citizens of Benghazi. That is why we have decided to implement a no fly zone over all of Libya. Our French allies have already begun enforcing the no-fly zone by attacking a column of advancing Libyan supply trucks. When asked how a supply truck could violate a no-fly zone the General directed the press to resent surveillance footage taken of the offending forces.

When asked whether the NATO goal was that of regime change the commander responded as follows. “Let me make this clear. We are not in the business of regime change. We are simply going to bomb the hell out of Kaddafi and his supporters until he leaves. Also we are going to defend the civilians of Libya as they advance on Tripoli but our policy is not regime change.

Fielding questions about the international components of the coalition the commander stated. “Sure, we got Arabs on our side. For one thing the Lebanese submitted this resolution. They hate Kaddafi because he made Hezbollah’s spiritual leader Moussa al-Sadr disappear 30 years ago. So yes in a way we are fighting for Hezbollah but the point is they are Arabs. Also the Arab league have asked us to intervene, which I admit is mostly full of dictators who are currently suppressing their own revolutions but we appreciate their efforts to direct our attention towards Kaddafi. The tiny kingdom of Qatar is actually sending planes to help out. This is a greatly appreciated sacrifice from them when you consider that many of their defense forces along with Saudi Arabia are currently bogged down helping shoot down the protesters in Bahrain.

Later the commander responded to queries as to whether they would be arming the Libyan opposition. The Commander declared “No, we do not see the need to be doing so at this time. However we may need to begin supplying them with additional ammunition as it seems that their key strategy is to gather in large groups on deserted highways, where they dance and shoot in the air until they run out of bullets. We are also looking into developing a fast-track weapons training program for the opposition. Unfortunately, it seems most eastern Libyans with any weapons training are currently engaged in an al-Qaida led guerrilla war against coalition forces and the freely elected government of Iraq.

But what about providing Gaddafi with an exit strategy in case the opposition is successful? The question is who would shelter a remorseless killer . The coalition is currently searching for possible options. Maybe Uganda? Maybe Venesuala? Or perhaps he could join the crew at Orlando’s Seaworld?

My brush with Dixie

I have always had a fascination for lost causes including a healthy interest in Nazi Germany, the Taliban and the Southern confederates of the US civil war. I’ve absorbed all the top books and movies on the confederacy including Robert E. Lee’s biography.
So when I had a chance this weekend to visit Richmond Virginia (Capitol of the short-lived Southern confederacy) I was hopeful to take in some history. My wife’s cousin Ammad is a bright kid and came over from Bangladesh to study at Richmond University on a full scholarship. Ammads’s Parents are visiting from Bangladesh so I took them along with the wife and kids to visit him. Unfortunately I was the only one in the group who had any interest in civil war history and we spent most of the time in Richmond going to shopping malls. On our last night I was determined to get at least a miniscule glimpse of the history this legendary city has to offer. I marched them all to Monument Avenue and I enjoyed all of the fifteen minutes we were there. Along the Avenue are mostly monuments of confederate Generals. A great sign of tolerance on the part of the now Union government to allow the Southern states to erect monuments to the arguably traitorous generals of the southern rebellion. My two favorite Southern Generals (Stonewall Jackson and Lee) are immortalized there. Of course all these monuments of a rebellion started by a Southern institution marked with racism might seem offensive to some. So the ingenious monument overseers introduced an equalizer. Amongst the Southern Generals on the street is a large monument dedicated to Arthur Ashe, the famed African American tennis player from Richmond who won 3 grand slam titles. His statue boldly raises his racket as if to say “In your face sons of the confederacy! You lost and here I stand a symbol of a better future!”.

We finished the 15 minutes in front of Robert E. Lee’s monument. We looked up to see the noble hero majestically sitting on his legendary steed Traveller, looking over historic Richmond. After briefing Uncle about what the war was about and who Lee was, we had an odd conversation.

Me: General Lee was arguably one of the most skilled generals throughout history.
Uncle: Is he a hero?
Me: Yes, he was a hero, not only because of his military victories but because he did a lot after the war to help with the reconciliation.
Uncle: So he won the war?
Me: No, he lost.
Uncle: Is he Japanese?
Me: No, he was from Virginian.
Uncle: Lee is a Chinese name. Was he Chinese?
Me: No he wasn’t Japanese or Chinese. He is not a "Bruce Lee" kinda Lee. It would have been a much different war if he was. He was a Virginian.

Long pause...

Uncle: I think he was Korean.
Me: OK yes, he was Korean.
Then we went to Denny’s for Ice Cream.

Daisy's pushin up daisies

Poor Jessica Simpson was out walking her little dog Daisy (I assume named after her role as Daisy in the Dukes of Hazard movie) when a Coyote came and snatched the poor pup away and took off. Now I am a dog lover and truly sympathize with her. but I can't help but smirk a little when she offers a reward for the dog's return. I mean, even if the coyote could read, what kind of reward could she offer to entice the coyote to return Daisy?
A crate of ACME products?
I would also like to know if she will give a partial reward for a partial return of her dog, because I think I may have found something in my yard.
see photo:

Help! Shopping Cart Police!

As much as I hate the idea of living in a police state, I have come to the sad conclusion that people should be required to have a special license to drive a shopping cart! How many times do I have to get stuck in Costco behind some A-hole who manages to block off the entire row with his/her fat ass and shopping cart? If you need something on the left then pull your cart to the left and get what you want. Don’t leave your cart on the right and stand on the left for ten minutes to ponder which flavor barrel of ice cream to pick. Get the hell out of my way! There is heavy traffic in this store. That means you do not drive or stop in the middle of an aisle, especially if there is a line of other drivers piling up behind your incompetent ass. Pushing a shopping cart without obstructing everyone else’s path is not a challenging activity. Homeless people can do it in the middle of downtown New York City and most of them are high, drunk or insane. If you can’t manage to do this simple task then you should have your shopping cart confiscated or at minimum suffer some sort of fine. The ideal punishment for most would be a Rodney King style beat down in front of all the other shoppers to serve as good warning. That wouldn’t fly over here with all these libertarian types so I have another suggestion. Each cart could be given a bar code. The store could offer some kind of discount to everyone, say 5% off. The catch would be that the store would have undercover monitors with digital cameras throughout the store. If they catch someone driving poorly like blocking traffic, then they could snap a picture of the violator and record the number of the cart. Not until after the person was through the register would the moron be informed that they were penalized the 5% savings for bad driving. They could have a digital picture of the violation printed out on their receipt just like the toll collectors do on the highways. I would shop at this store all the time.

Ramadan and the forbidden fruit.

I have been blessed with a mother-in-law who is an endless source of entertainment for me. As a Muslim she has been fasting throughout the month of Ramadan, staying away from food and drink during the daylight hours. It really is an admirable gesture of dedication on her part. She is dutifully committed to practicing the time-honored rituals of her faith. However, the following events have led me to question whether the basic principles of her religion have been lost on her.
It is fall here in New England and we just got back from our annual apple picking excursion. Funny thing is, it actually costs more to pick your own apples than to buy them from the store, but the kids love it.
This year the in-laws had family visiting from Bangladesh so we decided to include them in the outing. So my mother-in-law who I call Amma (Bengali for mother) Mama (Bengali for Uncle) and Mami (Bengali for Aunt) came along. The deal at the apple orchard is, you buy a bag from them and you get to fill it up with apples. They sell small bags that can hold 6 lbs of apples for $5 and bigger bags that hold 10 lbs of apples for $10. I guess math isn’t a big thing amongst Apple farmers. We bought a bunch of small bags and set off into the orchards. Mama has his camera with him and makes us pose in front of every damn tree for a picture. He’s gotta be the worst photographer I’ve ever met, although he claims to have won some amateur photography contest. I’ll make another post highlighting some of his spectacularly horrible photos later. Back to the apples. One of the unwritten rules of Apple picking is that you can eat as many apples as you like while picking. Unfortunately the 3 practicing Muslims among us couldn’t take advantage of this because they were fasting. I felt sorry for them but had my fill nonetheless. I was holding my 4 year old on my shoulders to pick some of the juiciest apples that were high up. When I looked through the branches on the other side of the tree I could see Amma stuffing apples into her purse and covering them up with a scarf. She was stealing! On Ramadam! The holiest month of the year! It is said that a prayer during Ramadan is worth a thousand during the rest of the year, so what does that mean for thievery? Is that like a thousand times worse? It should be. She didn’t notice I caught her in the act. I suppose I could have told my wife who would have admonished her and prevented the crime from being committed, but I thought the whole hypocrisy of it all was too wonderful so I let her to get away with it. The woman starves herself for a month to please Allah and then blows the whole thing by stealing fruit. She might as well have sat down and had a ham sandwich. This whole thing has made me wonder that maybe there really is a god. A god who likes to tickle my funny bone.

I'm Halal!

I just visited the brand new Islamic search engine that filters Haram (Islamicly forbidden) sites. I Imhalaled my blog (doesn't have the same catchiness as "googled").

Guess what? I'm Halal

Take that and shove it up your Asses, moderators at IslamOnline!

Here is the I'mHalal search site.

http://www.imhalal.com/

Public Service Announcement for Nazis

Brian is an 11 year old boy from Zimbabwe. He recently fled Zimbabwe along with his 10 year old friend to South Africa and is living in a refugee camp.

He seems to have the right spirit to survive his ordeal however. The spunky kid carved a tattoo on his arm with a broken matchstick of a Swastika. Now little Brian and his friends have a bit of a twisted interpretation of what a swastika means. To them it means “Germans never surrender” so having one on his arm is kind of a mark of honor and a sign of strength. Good for you Brian. Never surrender!

http://edition.cnn.com/2008/WORLD/africa/12/18/zimbabwe.children/

OK that is fine, the symbol can mean numerous things. It is also a religious symbol in Hinduism, Buddhism and Jainism.I don’t have a problem with the symbol in his context. But as a graphic artist and a history buff I find what has Brian has done to be appalling!!

The poor kid spent two days scratching this thing on his arm and he messed it up! If you are going to permanently scar your body for the rest of your life, please take a little time and do some research before you begin. It is too late for me to help Brian but maybe there is someone else who could benefit from my graphic advice.

Maybe these idiots in New Jersey? http://www.nbcphiladelphia.com/news/weird/Nein-Cake-for-You-Little-Adolph.html

When making a Swastika, one simply needs to remember SS (Which is an abbreviation on Schutzstaffel which means Protective Squadron in German, but don’t think of that just remember SS)

Now to make a proper Swastika, simply think of the Nazi symbol SS. Rotate the first S clockwise 90 degrees and place it on top of the other S. Wallah! You have graphically correct symbol of hate!
Here is a diagram to help you visualize it.

Whether you are painting model airplanes, spray painting your neighbour’s house or carving it onto your forehead, there are no more excuses for inaccuracy. Doing it in the first place proves you are a stupid asshole. No sense in being an ignorant stupid asshole.

Ahoy thar Mateys!

Cap’n Bob has spotted those scallywag Somali pirates off the horn of Africa!

Their landlubbin lair is in the town of Eyl. It’s time to send those Scurvy dogs to Davy Jone’s locker!

Sadly the Lily-livered UN are hiding from a real scuffle and they want us to just sit off the coast and wait for the rascals to come to us.

Well that’s not the way to fight pirates.

Look at what the Saudis are doin! Their tanker get’s pirated and suddenly a bunch of Islamists are attacking the pirates. Hmmmm? Kinda makes you wonder if these Islamist enemies of ours have been in the back pockets of the Royals all along.

The Ruskies have the right idea for a change. They want to sack the pirate towns. From what I see, it would be a walk in the park.

With the help of google maps we can get a good look at the Pirate town of Eyl.

Google map of Eyl Somalia

Here is an Arial shot of their fortress.
click to enlarge


This must be where the pirates are at. It’s the only place in the damn village that has any trees. And the rich folk in Somalia like to lounge around in the shade when they ain’t stealin booty off the coast. Plus, look how they built their houses in a defensive position. This little fortress needs a sackin!

If we ain’t got the stomach for that, then at least we can storm the beaches and break up their vessels. Lookey here! They’re just sittin there as plain as the eye can see!

click to enlarge









All this stuff can be found on google maps.
Lookey here. Here's my house!










Looking for some Pirate searching fun? Try this. That big old oil tanker that the Pirates captured is sitting off the coast near the Somali town of Harardhere. The satellite pictures are not that up to date.But if you look hard, you might be able to find this ship. It looks like pirates to me!!
Arrrr!!!

Why Bangladesh Why?!?!?!

It's the eve of November 4th and Obama just won. Just like I predicted in January 2007. A truly historic event. I thought about writing about it but everyone else is already doing it and it really is old news to me. I knew this would happen a long way back.

So I am going to yap about something completely Irrelevant.

Why do Bengalis (and Indians and Pakistanis) take their Beautiful women and on their most special day cake on the makeup and make them look like male drag queens? This is not a good look at all! Case in point, here is my wife's cousin.



pretty gorgeous is't she? She could be a model easy. I cropped out her husband because he ruins the picture. He's got an ugly mug like me and has really over achieved in snagging this one. He must have a great personality or something.

Anyway, back to the point. Look what she actually paid someone to do to her. She looks like a God Damn transvestite! What a freakin nightmare! And a healthy bronze tan is always better than the caked on ghost-like pasty white look. Her face is whiter than my ass! And looks as bout as cute might I add.



Please south asians. If there is anything you can learn from westerners, scrap everything else, but for God's sake pick up a copy of Bride magazine or Wedding Planner.

Thank god none of my relatives know about this blog. My wife would kill me.

Bob on the VP debate

I just have a few points to make on that debate last night and this is going to read like an annoying spam e-mail with all the pics (no animated cats at least). First of all Palin was a great success because she didn’t make a complete fool out of herself like we all expected.

But there are a few evil-doers out there who are having a good laugh today.

Remember when Palin said “We need to stop Iran from getting nuclear Energy, weapons?” I hope the energy part was a slip. I bet Ahmadinejad was jumping out of his seat when he heard that.

News alert Palin. We are saying we want to stop them from getting Nuclear weapons. They are saying we are trying to stop them from getting nuclear energy. Are you with us or against us?

At one point Biden came out as a confused hawk.

He said because we didn't send NATO into Lebanon after the war, Hezbollah has become a part of the Lebanese government. They already were Joe!

How much foreign experience do you supposedly have?! And good luck trying to get the other NATO members to join us in another quagmire.

He also wants to send troops to Darfur but he is against regime change. Sudanese President Omar Al-Bashir should get a laugh out of this

What the hell are we gonna do there? Just sit around in the desert and get suicide bombed until we get bored? Who do you think will win that waiting game?

Palin of course tries to sell the lame story that Obama voted to cut off funding to the troops. There were 2 bills to fund the troops. One with a timeline which McCain voted against and one without a timeline that Obama voted against. Both sides need to stop using our under funded troops for their political gain. Give them the damn money and argue later about a timeline. The troops are getting pissed on enough without your shit!

The most nauseating part was when the debate finished and Palin grabs a baby and starts burping it on stage. It's 11:00! What the hell is your baby doing up? I hate staged mommyhood

Do You have what it takes?

http://media.mi6.gov.uk/administrator/index.htm

The Embassador's Son

What do you get when you cross a Kuwaiti Embassador's son with a bottle of cheap polish vodka and 10,000 parading jews? A whole lot of fun!

On Monday, police said a heavily intoxicated 23-year-old son of Ambassador Khaled Al-Shaibani pulled three 16-year-old Brazilians into their sixth-floor room of Warsaw's Holiday Inn after 9 a.m.
Witnesses alerted hotel guards, who rushed to the site, but called police when the Kuwaiti said he had explosives, police said.
Agents stormed the room just before 10 a.m. and took the suspect into custody without incident. None of the captives was harmed and no explosives were found.
Al-Shaibani was too intoxicated to undergo questioning Monday, police said, but the suspect spoke with authorities Tuesday morning.
The three teenagers were among about 10,000 people from around the world, most of them Jewish, who came to Poland to take part in the March of the Living.

The Kuwaiti Embassy confirmed the suspect was the ambassador's son, but declined further comment.

http://www.newsvine.com/_news/2008/05/06/1473052-kuwaiti-envoys-son-charged-in-poland

Don't be too hard on the lad Mr. Embassador. You emerced him into a country full of alcoholic anti-semites and he probably had a head start in Kuwait. Plus, 10,000 Jews all at once is a bit much for even the most tolerant and sober of us.

God help us all.

What the hell is wrong with this world?

I watched Nancy Grace last night. Yes I know she comes off as a mean bitch but that's mostly because her eyebrows are sculpted to point down towards the center. If she had some kind of procedure to raise them she'd look alot less threatening. But then she may be out of a job.

But I digress.

Back to the subject at hand. She was doing a piece on 911 operators falling asleep WHILE recieving emergency calls. This lady call 911 to say someone is breaking in her house and the operator starts snoring during the call! My god, how incompetant can you get??

The woman could easily have died while this bozo was snoozing off. What punishment did the guy get? He got dismissed. He should be imprisoned for wreckless endangerment.

Apparently this happens more often then we'd like to think. During the show she brought several similar cases to our attention.

The sad truth is that civil servants get paid very little and ministries are forced to scrape the bottom of the labour poolbarrel.

Here is a link to the video.

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2072561504514618139&q=operator+snoring&ei=eVQfSKTJL6GQrgP0odm4AQ&hl=en

I wish this was the most disturbing news I was bringing you but it's not. Apparantly even the majestic King penguin is not imune from sexual assault. Here is proof that God screws up in his creations. It's not just man who is tormented by bizarre abnormalties of the brain. Can you believe a poor little penguin got raped by a big blubbery seal? It's too disgusting to think of but impossible not to look at. Even in a tuxedo the poor bird has been robbed of his dignity.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/science/nature/7379554.stm

I like head!

“You like head?”
There she was standing in before me. My Amma, all 5 feet of my sweet Bangladeshi mother-in-law. She’s been in the states now for 18 years and is coming along with learning English swimmingly, but there are certain slang words she will never and should never understand. On the other hand, her sniggering 22 year old son Jissan sitting at the dinner table across from me had become All-American. “Yes Bob” he says with a grin from ear to ear, “My mother wants to know if you like head.”
OK I was ready to play along.
Me: “Ummmm….well….Amma….that’s a bit of a personal question isn’t it?”
Amma: What? Head is good. I like head. You want head?
Me: No thanks Amma, I don’t want it.
Amma: Why not? You will like it. Your father-in-law likes. Jissan likes don’t you?
Jissan: Sure do Mom. I love head! (between giggles)
Amma: You have to suck it.
Then she puts her hand up to her mouth and makes a sucking sound. At which point Jissan: spits his drink out and birst out laughing.
The poor lady was talking about eating the heads of giant shrimp, which I later tried and found out I actually do like head.

The Best High School Reunion I Never Went To!

Last week 50 people from my old school got together at a bar/hotel for a little reunion. It was all my old friends and enemies from grade 8. I would definately have made the trip up to Canada for it but the thing was arranged just recently and I had already booked my vacation to Florida with the family.

Still, it was a great reunion for me.

Firstly, I was a cute but short little runt back then of average to below average popularity. There was this one average looking girl Janice who had a crush on me and we kinda became boyfriend and girlfriend. I say kinda because we never really did anything other than state that we were an item. I hadn't even reached puberty yet.

Anyway everyone shows up at the reunion and most the guys are fat and bald and the girls are fat and sagging, but not Janice. She's like POW! Smokin hot! and all the guys are trying to chat her up, but she keeps asking for me. In fact she has a few drinks and continues to ask for me all night long like I'm gonna magically appear. Did I mention she's divorced? Good thing I wasn't there. So by not showing up I now have the guilt free satisfaction of knowing that all my fellow classmates know that the prettiest girl in class digs me. But that is not the best part.

The best part is what happened to big Bully Ken. Big Bully Ken was a real prick when I knew him and was twice my size and used to beat the crap out of people for fun including me.

What happened to him?

No he didn't die, I'm not that vindictive and it's even better.

get this. He had a sex change!



This guy was a friggin Gorilla. There is no way he could become a convincing woman. Perhaps this may explain his inner hostility. I still can't get over the shock. The embarrassing part is that I now have to admit I was beaten up by a girl.

Life is stranger than fiction

Find Osama Bin Laden!

Here is a pic of the Bin Laden family on holiday in Sweden. Don't they look happy and westernized? See if you can guess which guy is Osama. I numbered them for you. Post your guesses.

click on the image to enlarge it.

After you guess you can see the answer here:

No cheating!

this is him

I am a diplomat

I never really mentioned this before but I am an international diplomat. Well at least I felt like one. My Uncle-in-law in Bangladesh is a Bigwig and he got me a seat at the 2004 International chamber of commerce event in Dhaka where I got to sit and listen to foreign dignitaries and Prime Minister of Bangladesh, Khaleda Zia. It was mostly interesting. The neet thing about it was that all the white people except me were sitting in the front section and the TV press was behind them and couldn't get any decent shots of foreign faces. Just the backs of their heads. I has sitting in the middle section and all the press could get a good shot at me and they all did. So I tried my best to look distinguished as the video cameras took their turns on me. When we got back to my Aunts house everyone was excited that I was on National TV. I did the only thing I could think of to prove I was there.

It was a long day. The poor Prime Minister was nodding off during Thaksin Shinawatra's (Thailand PM) speech.

Too bad both prime ministers are now facing corruption charges.

Maybe I should give them a ring to cheer them up.

Is it me?

Or does Cindy McCain look like the mother from The Replacements?

Damn Disney Corp!

This is an update to my Halloween post. I lost the battle of the princesses. The kids had a lot of fun playing at home with my homemade costume, but refused to be seen outside in it. My wife backed them up (She comes from an impoverished country and has internal issues about appearing too "ghetto" and she wants the girls to have everything she didn't) So I conceded to take them out as Disney princesses just like all the other thousands of princesses there were out there.



Maybe I lost this battle but the Disney war continues.
At least half of the shows on disney channel are not appropriate for children. I have a particular problem with the Suite Life of Zack and Cody.

The two stars of the shows are these obnoxious 11 year old twins who are fixated with being babe hounds. What's wrong with the writers? They can't come up with different plots for kids? Does every male character have to be a player? It makes me wanna puke when I see a little boy say "Check out that foxy mama, hubba hubba!" Those little twirps are bannished from my sight!

Vote for Obama!

There are plenty of reasons to vote for Obama

1. Did you see him get out of that crazy babbling minister controversey? I thought he was toast a few days ago, but the guy flips the whole thing around to make it seem that the country can only get past racial divisions by voting for him. And you know? He's kinda right. But more importantly we need a guy who can get himself out of of a sticky situation, because the country is in one itself.


2. The guys middle name is Hussein. We can get him a name tag that has an insert section in the middle like a dining room table. When he's at home he's Barack Obama, when he goes to the middle east he's Barack Hussein Obama.


3. Sure he's got hardly any experience, but he's smart and he looks good and sounds great.


4. He says he's going to pull the troops out but is going to consult the generals first, who will tell him not to pull the troops out. So he will pull them out, he'll just take 4 years to do it.


5. He never cheated on his wife (and she ain't much to look at). I mean look at the New York governor who got kicked out for the prostitutes. He gets replaced by a blind guy who cheated on his wife numerous times. Even the blind politians are cheating. How does a blind guy cheat?
6. National Health Care. Let's give it a try. Everyone else does it. It can't be all that bad. I lived in Canada and it wasn't that bad. Sure when I had an operation when I was a kid I had to stay in a ward with 5 other sick kids. The worst part was that 5 of us couldn't move and the one kid who could move was this pudgy spoiled kid who was in there for constipation and he wouldn't let anyone else have the rmote control and he made us watch game shows. In the end I think he speeded up my recovery because he motivated me to walk so I could smack him in the head.

Afghan Boy Toys

I just read a revolting article on Reuters on how Afghan warlords are honoring the age old tradition of keeping young dancing boys as their mistresses.

http://www.reuters.com/article/wtMostRead/idUSISL1848920071119

I just had to voice how appalling and non-Islamic this is. This flies directly in the face of clearly written Islamic law. Don’t these people know dancing is forbidden in Islam!?

A bad investment

I gotta tell you. The next time some guy tries to sell me on a joint business venture in Islamic Africa, I'm gonna do a little cultural research first!

"Build a prophet Workshop! The first in Kartoum!" he said. "Everyone will love it!"

Thanks for nothing Alif!!!!